Hombre busca mujer, mujer busca hombre

Domingo, lectura del periódico. «The Hindu», edición del 5.9.2010, sección de anuncios matrimoniales. Textualmente:

Bridegrooms wanted

"Reputed child care institution seeks employed and well settled bridegroom, age 27 to 32 years for accomplished girl of 26 years old, brought up in Tamilian culture and values. Religion and caste no bar. Write to [...]"

"BWajam, Vadama, Visakam-3, BE, MBA, Feb 84/162cms, attractive, seeks handsome groom MS/MBA/PhD below 30 years well settled, clean habits, preferably working in Chennai, or United States. Send PHP: [...]"

"Gavara Naidu good looking B.TECH SWE Chennai Pooratathi 25/158 Suddhajathagam seeks suitable qualified professional groom with clean habits from decent family. E-mail: [...]"

Brides wanted

"Ernakulam based parents from strong Syrian Catholic family invite alliance for son 32 years/175cm/60Kg, B.Tech electronics, completing work integrated MS in Dec.2010 currently project manager in leading MNC at Bangalore and with ten years experience in the MNC, salary Rs [=rupias, N. de theroad.ch] 1 Lac PM [1 Lac = 100000, N. de theroad.ch]. Financially sound. He is taking medicine for mild mood swings (Valprol CR 300) once a day. With this he is leading a succesful life and career. Interested Malayalee Christian girls with minimum graduation can contact at e-mail: [...]"

"Hindu-Ezhava, aristocratic and highly educated parents from southern Kerala seeks alliance for the remarriage of their legally divorced only son, handsome, 185cm high, engineer with managements degree, aged 29, working as a senior management executive in a reputed multinational company in Oman from parent of postgraduates, good looking, tall girls of similar reputed family background. Horoscope details of the boy is: Star-Thiruvathira, Time and DOB [=fecha de nacimiento, N. de theroad.ch] afternoon 12:55, April 10, 1981. Contact [...]"

"Hindu SC Arunthatiyar 29/162/BE MBA, smart goodlooking associate BNP Paribas seek bride below 25 fair qualified doctor/engineer from good family apply with bio-data/photo/horoscope. Contact [...]"

La proporción entre «se busca hombre» y «se busca mujer» es de más o menos 1 a 4. Centímetros, kilos, títulos, casta, signo del zodiaco, minuto de nacimiento, sueldo mensual e incluso la dosis diaria contra los cambios de humor: aquí el amor se anuncia como un puesto directivo, con pliego de condiciones y dosier de candidatura. Yo, el hombre de las tablas, debería sentirme aquí como en casa. Aun así, prefiero la estadística, siempre que no decida sobre el corazón.